Moving on

I have started a new blog. As a college senior, it seems I am expected to be serious instead of philosophical. For now, it seems I am finished with this blog.

To you, Dear Reader, especially if you have stuck with me the entire way:

Thank you. I appreciate your prayers, well-wishes, and advice more than even I can articulate. I hope that this blog can serve you therapeutically, as you make your own journey through life. Maybe Thought-isms will be revived in the future, we'll see.

Until then, you can follow me on my "serious" blog, www.journelise.com. It won't be as flowery as this, but it will be as honest as I can make it.

Have a wonderful day, Dear Readers, and may you be blessed richly.

Yours sincerely,

Elise L. Arvidson

Luck, and the lack thereof

Hello again, Dear Readers!

Have you ever found you are luckiest at your most unlucky? When everything goes wrong, but--for whatever reason--turns in your best favor at the culmination of unluckiness?

The strangest thing about "finding the silver lining" as they say, is not so much the grey-ness of the clouds, the looming forbearance, or even the rain puddles; it's the "finding" that's so strange. Consider: If the silver lining is invisible/ignored by all except those who seek it, so then are good details lost in a sea of unlucky sequence by all except those who choose to find it.

It is not unknown that I think happiness a choice--how else does one keep faith and fortitude when there is none to be had? He must choose to have faith, and choose to stay strong!--and therefore is completely independent of luck, or the lack thereof.

If I have an "off" day, then I am unlucky.

If I am unlucky, then my best efforts will be in vain.

If my best efforts are in vain, then I have cause to be unhappy.

If I have cause to be unhappy, I have no reason for "silver lining".

Notice I said "cause" not "right" to be unhappy. However:

If I look for silver lining, then I have hope.

If I have hope, my failures won't seem so bad.

If my failures don't seem so bad, I have cause to be happy.

Here is a list of my Silver Linings for the day:

1) Class schedule a mess: at least I'm still in school!

2) I straightened my hair today, so of course, it rained

3) I dressed up today, it still rained

4) I wore my glasses today. It rained.

5) I rode my bike. Rain.

6) I came back to my room, and despite the rain, I had a good laugh with my roommates about the Michigan weather before I wrote this post.

The funny thing is, it's not so bad that I had to practically change my outfit because I was soaked through--in fact, it made me laugh. Here I was, wearing my glasses, on my bicycle, with newly straightened hair and all dressed up, in the middle of a torrential downpour... What a sight I must have been! When I finally caught a mirror, the reflection reminded me of a wet cat. Cats don't like wet.

Why should I worry about the weather? Why should I stress about things beyond my control? I shouldn't. That's the plain and simple of it. I shouldn't.

Have a stress-free Thursday, Dear Reader!

STRESS!!

Hello again, Dear Reader. I hope you are doing well.

As for myself, I am caught between everyone else's schedules, and in danger of severe breaking, in part due to bending over backwards. I'm not the best planner. That's just the simple truth of it. I can plan my hour; I can plan my day; I can plan my month, but I just cannot plan several months or a year in advance. The organizational complexities of such an endeavor elude me. And yet, I try very hard to plan things in advance, knowing that no matter the backups, my plans will blow up in my face.

Sigh.

I want so much for this year to go well. I won't even ask for smoothly, or quickly. I just want it to go well. I want to get my credits in and graduate from college. I want to set up a system for our student publication that can be executed after my graduation, and most of all, I want to get married. I want to be able to have a wedding on a budget, but still feel like I wasn't missing out. It's only a day, after all, but the effects will last for my lifetime.

I want to spend time with people I may never see again.

I want to help a friend who needs it.

I want to learn from a stranger what he thinks about the world.

I want to write a book.

I want to write more poetry.

And here I am, stuck between schedules, and government grants, and too few credits, and student bills.

How hard it is to have such big dreams, and so little movement. To know and see clearly what I want, only to turn down the path of what I must do.

I always survive. I'm tired of surviving; I want to live.

Dear Reader, are you shackled too? Perhaps if you can make it, we both can make it. It is better to learn our weaknesses and deal with them, than turning away and hiding. Carpe diem!

May you overcome,

Have a productive Wednesday.

A new Beginning

Well, I've had a summer...

I'm all excited for the Pulse to start up again!

Dear Reader,

I am making a Beginning Anew promise: I want to blog more. If I consider myself a writer, shouldn't I write? I do, actually, just in pen and paper...

My world is so vivid and subjective. It moves, it grows, it contracts. How can a mind comprehend all there is in a single perspective? How much less can a mind comprehend all there is in several perspectives?

I feel small, but not insignificant. If I am made for a purpose, then I must accomplish that purpose sometime in my life. If I attempt this endeavor wholeheartedly, then I will accomplish everything I was meant to. If I attempt this endeavor without fervor, then I will only accomplish a portion of what I was meant to. Therefore, I was made for a purpose, and I must attempt that purpose wholeheartedly.

With such an ocean of expectation, it is easy to feel lost, isn't it, Dear Reader?

Remember my post on choice? I have as much a choice to be successful and to thus, fulfill my purpose. If I had no purpose, why would I exist? Everything has a purpose--even paintings are made to supply income or just as a hobby. The best course of action is to make a flexible plan, and try to follow it. By "flexible", think "willow tree" vs. "oak tree".

I intend to choose. I intend to give. I intend to discover, and I intend to live.

Have a happy Sunday!

Running hard

Dear friends,

I am in the process of completing my résumé. For the fifth time, if I have the score correct. Unfortunately, I have been unsuccessful in my endeavors to find a paying job; college students are greater in supply than in demand. No matter, I will press on.

The biggest down-turn in this unemployment is that I have begun to take it rather personally. I know I shouldn't; I have a mom already, you know. But nonetheless, I have begun to feel rather... superfluous. Frustrating.

Why do I short-change myself? Is this an attempt at humility?

Have you noticed, Dear Reader, that there is a definable difference between humility and low self-esteem? I'll explain as best I can:

Humble people will be the first to thank you, and the last to say that they simply 'cannot'. They understand the limits of their abilities and skills, and the believe they are not any less important than the fellow beside them, nor any more important. Humble people are what some call "down-to-earth".

In contrast, people with low self-esteem are among the first to thank you, and the first to say that they simply "cannot". While they recognize their limits, people with low self-esteem will allow themselves to be compared to peers. These people make limits for themselves; they don't bridge them very often. A person with low self-esteem will make herself the butt of jokes, aimed at making light of her short-comings. While cleverly disguised as humor, it is a painful reminder of her inadequacy.

Hmm. I've given a more detailed description for a person with low self-esteem, I'm afraid. But wait, humble people seldom talk about themselves and are universally known for being "simple" to explain.

Well, regardless, Dear Reader, I have been working to keep my fears and self-doubt at bay. Because I know what a difference a small bit of encouragement can make. Please remember your friends and acquaintances, and remember to encourage them too. Hard times have always been made easier when two or more share the load.

Until next time,

Have a wonderful Monday.

Around the Bend

What can I say, my friends?

It has been so long since our last conversation. Why is it that whenever I draw close to people, I find their goodness for so short a time before we are rent apart again?

The missions trip to Louisiana was an experience, to say the least. I invested of my time in the other group members and in the members of the community we were serving. What a release, to serve others so selflessly.

I've heard tell of the 5 Love languages. It's an interesting concept, though I must say, after reading some of the material, I certainly would not have guessed that I express love in acts of kindness. It makes sense now I stop to think on it, but two weeks ago? I'm not sure.

Odd (isn't it?), that cleaning a church bathroom, or setting up chairs, or sorting donated clothes could be considered acts of love. Odd that sitting with young girls at a table for dinner and just having a conversation is an act of love. Or trying a little bit of every home-cooked dish, thinking "Vegetarianism be darned!"

I'm back at the Arbor now and am especially tuned in to how I perceive--and give--love. It's nearly the end of the year. Have I made lasting relationships? Have I treated people as though they are individual beings and not just bodies? If I am able to see to the depths of others, what good is it to waste on frivolous relationships? On the other hand, how can I commit to so large a crowd?

I have striven for love this year, especially after returning from Costa Rica. Have I showed others that love I've discovered? I think I have. Actually, I certainly think I've tried. Perhaps this is the depth of my heart: in having one conversation, I will love a friend.

We are all about to separate. Why are we allowed so few moments in which we can truly connect?

What can I say, my friends? I have spent the last few weeks catching up on homework and loving people. Shall I be faulted in that?

I shall try to write soon. Have a wonderful evening.

The Eye of the Storm

Hello, Dear Reader(s). I apologize for my silence; you wouldn't believe the enormous list of accomplishments I have effected within the last month and a half. Also, as I believe I've mentioned, I try not to bore you with redundant recaps of my day ("in a nutshell," as they say) or with general topics of life that have little or no bearing on my current state of thought. However, here I am, trying to get through a mammoth amount of homework, and of course, I couldn't concentrate. So, let's see:

Happy New Year's Eve!! I hope it was wonderful!

Happy New Year's Day!! I hope it was anticipated...

Happy Palindrome Day (Jan. 2, 2010)!!

Happy Math Addition Date (9 Jan. 10)!

Happy 1 year Anniversary of Costa Rica (13 Jan. 10)!

Happy February (1 February)!

Happy Groundhog Day!!

Happy Half-Birthday (2 Feb)!

Happy Math Addition Date (8 Feb. 10)!!

Happy Valentine's/Friendship Day!

There. I'm glad I got that off my chest!

I seem to be in the eye of the storm. I've had a whirlwind of activities before this week (the greatest of which caused it nearly impossible to complete my homework), and I'm just waiting for my life to be drowningly busy again. Sometimes, Dear Reader, I just can't figure myself out! Do I want peace and quiet? Do I want lots of free time? Do I want to be involved? Do I want to spend the majority of my time with others? Which is it?? I cannot attempt all these options at once...

Oh the Power of Choice! Blessed as I am with it, I am also able to abuse it to the fullest. It is devestatingly hard for me to say 'No' to a group or person. If I am outright asked to be a part of a group, I try to make up an excuse of how I really am too busy right now to join. I've been able to ward the vast majority off, but some groups are so persistent! It's such a blessing to have this free time now, but just as much a burden--there are tasks which require completion, and here I am, unable to concentrate and instead writing a blog. Motivation is not the obstacle; the obstacle is fatigue. I have been running on adrenaline of the next big event in my life, jumping from one lilypad of happenings to another. I have had very little respite since the beginning of January, and am still expected to make lightening fast turnarounds.

I should probably just take a nap. Clearly, I will be unable to function to my fullest capacity until I do so. However, I have such a laundry list of To Do items, I wonder that I'll get a nap at all today.

Sigh. The Eye of the Storm is an interesting place to be. You can see the flurry that you've come through, and you can see the flurry that's ahead. I guess all I can do is weather the storm...

A Year of Change

Dear Reader(s),

Another year has come and is leaving, as we watch the snow pile up on the sidewalk. I can truthfully say this has been the longest year of my existence; a year I will remember for life.

I have grown in more ways than one, and I hope you have too, Dear Reader. I have learned many timeless truths, and become more convinced of the Truth.

This is a question and commentary on my life (and possibly yours), so I am willing to speculate: what has had the most impact on my future life?

Before I went to Costa Rica, my posts revealed me for what I was truly feeling: panic, insufficiency, and a confusion of identity. I learned to love people through that experience of total surrender. I no longer allowed myself to be insecure; I just dealt with the problems and happenings as they came to me. I immersed myself in the culture with its people and tried to emulate the same reactions, emotions, and perspective they had already. I came to understand many of my "unanswered questions" I had grown up with: questions about etiquette, about responsibility, about my life. Going completely changed me.

When I returned to the country, my posts again showed me for what I was: confused and frustrated. I had never encountered an experience that left me speechless before, and thus I was frustrated at my inability to explain myself, both to people who were genuinely seeking an understanding, and those whose preconceived notions threw me off my guard. I fought for a truth I had never believed or stood for until this point, and lost many times, all the while knowing that my experience had taught me this truth beyond refute. Returning completely changed me as well.

I've taken classes, and I've learned and applied new concepts to my life. I've learned and applied new relational techniques to my connections with friends, family and roommates. I have sought out people to have conversations, and I have sought out enemies to make peace. I have actually tried to set aside my personal feelings and fear of pain in order to love others in a way I believe Christ has called me to love them.

I hope this can be my legacy, Dear Reader. I hope you can read this, and you can agree. I also hope that by writing this, you will look at your own life, and find what has shaped you too.

I wish you well, Dear Reader, as the back cover closes on this chapter of my life: A year of Change.

What to say?

No sé que decir.

I don't know what to say.

Is it better to speak without a voice, or remain tactfully silent?

Sería mejor? Would it be better?

Today I am tired, but able to switch languages without thinking. I, who am now fluent in two different languages can find nothing of importance to say. What good then, is my knowledge? If I cannot affect change, incite a revolution, persuade peers, or even defend my knowledge on the basis of reason within the confines of the two languages I possess, how will I ever find a voice to give a voice to others?

What makes a good leader?

Is it passion? Is it courage? Is it willingness? Is it servitude?

Of these qualities I possess ample supply. How then do I restrict myself from leading? I have things to say, people to lift up and encourage, peers to serve; what makes me hold back?

What to say?

What not to say?

Do I even want to lead?

No. I don't. I want to empower.

What to say?

I have nothing to say, and yet, everything in the world. It is important that I stress this.

I hope that I can use my my talents, my passions, my courage, my willingness, my service for others. To empower. To encourage.

Metamorphosis

Again, I ask you, Dear Reader: when is a "level" of maturity achieved? Is this even possible? To complete a "level" of maturity? As beings, is it not true that we constantly grow? How then is it conceivable to reach any "level" whatever it may be?

"Levels" have thus been devised my mankind to measure itself and the world it perceives. Disagree? How many things can you, Dear Reader, name with its stages? Even the alphabet is leveled; we have the first letter, and the last letter.

If it had been given a conscience, would a caterpillar know it was changing inside its cocoon? With out ever having seen itself before, would it know?

Like a fish has no notion of being wet, so a desert has no notion of being dry. And yet, a tadpole will know both worlds, seeing as it starts in water and ends on land.

Metamorphosis: a change of the form or nature of a thing or person into a completely different one, by natural or supernatural means.

I'm a very passive person--to a point. I would much rather mediate a conflict with peace and honesty than I would argue my views and insist on my accuracy of fact. That said, I will speak up when I know I am right. I try not to do this all the time; no one likes a know-it-all.

I will speak up, and I will (quietly) firmly hold to my position. I believe a conflict is never "won" by the loudest combatant, and so I will give my views, but then allow others to give theirs. I don't like arguing opinions.

There is a Right, and there is a Wrong. This is not my opinion, it is fact. Just as there is light and there is dark, so there is a Right and a Wrong. We may put different things under these headings, but they remain opposites.

If we believe that there is no such thing as Right and Wrong, we fall prey to the worst kind of laziness called un-accountability, which allows us to do everything we want, whenever we want, without regard to any type of moderation. Moderation is key: I love sugar. I love candy. If I were able to eat candy all day long, and as much of it as I wanted, would it make me a better being? No, but I would have some nasty cavities to fill. Too much of a Good thing is always Bad. Therefore, there must be a Right and a Wrong way to enjoy the Good things of life.

If everything is left to opinion, Dear Reader, we allow others to mistreat us, insisting that the actions are a result of "his opinion" or "his upbringing", when in reality, "his" actions are Wrong. The idea that any one "opinion" is not more important than others' allows us all to develop great capacity for apathy. What is the point of arguing if, according to opinions, we're both Right? That said, why should we allow ourselves to be doormats for the sake of a personal view of humanity?

If humanity is inherently good, why don't we always do Good? Why do we know there is a Right and a Wrong? What is it about human law that separates us from animals? We may have instincts, true, but we can also act against our "instincts". What then? Do we blame the society and environment? If we blame the surroundings for causing our choices, we are not helping the problem, but furthering it! If I do not have the Power of Choice, Dear Reader, I am not human, but an animal with nothing more than instincts it cannot disobey. Such a view surely does not encourage civility, but dehumanization.

If all the creatures of Earth have evolved, and the highest form of evolution is Man, and Man's thoughts are not nearly his own but a random collocation of atoms, what makes Man greater than Beasts? What allows Man to act against his "instinct"? And further, what claim has Man over any basis of Fact, Truth, or Authority? If he is merely random, could he not also have developed improperly? What merit has he to say that we all came from one simple life form and not from another? What gives him authority to talk on Right and Wrong? Nothing. His words are meaningless strings of phonetic sounds, intended for intelligence, but ending in stupidity.

I ask again: when is a level of maturity reached? When have we changed? Do we know when we're changing?

Like all beautiful butterflies, we must first change from worms.

Silence

Silence is hard. Sometimes, it's harder than speaking up.

Dear Reader,

Have you ever been a part of some sort of drama, theatre production, where (backstage) another performer has told a whispered joke, and instead of laughing in great guffaws, you must silence yourself to half-concealed sniggers, and choked gasps of air? Silence is hard.

Have you ever, Dear Reader, known that your suggestion was right, but were shut down by popular vote, and then been proven right through sheer circumstance, though you resolved not to push the issue? Silence is hard.

Have you ever walked into a room that stopped, mid-conversation, Dear Reader? Silence is hard.

Have you, Dear Reader, ever known another to be angry at you in silence? Silence is hard.

I try to encourage others to speak because it is a hard thing, to stand up for one's beliefs. However, it is even harder to endure the silence that follows.

How many things can be said in silence? How much more can be said in silence? What a power it is have a focused silence. Power enough to cause others to quake in their boots at a silence, or to impose the most uncomfortable restrictions lest one were to break the silence.

Silence is hard.

Why do we suffer in silence, Dear Reader? Don't we have friends to support us? Aren't we called to rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn? What makes us think we should suffer, then, alone?

No. This is the wrong type of silence. We should not suffer aimlessly and without support to come out of such mourning. It is an injustice.

Are there others around you, Dear Reader, who are silent? Reach out to them. I implore you, as I will also try to do. Regardless of my suffering, should I not offer my listening ear to another who is possibly suffering in silence? Stand up for those who speak with silence.

Good night.

Helping Hand

Why do we even try to help people?? We often assume we can help, but are blinded to our own insufficiencies. Then we think we're right to help, and go on in a superior fashion.

No one asked! Keep your advice to yourself! If someone wants specific help, he will say so. It is not my place to assume I know what's best--Who am I to think I hold the benefit for humanity? What is in my background, my present, my life, my soul that I am so infinitely full of wisdom? What causes my personal perspective to be so desirable to speak? Why must I even open my mouth?

And then, of course, when confronted, "I'm just helping..." Helping whom? Myself?

People may be dumb sometimes, but they are not full imbeciles. If left to oneself, a person will either survive, or die trying. How insulting to speak to him as though he were a child! Or worse, to take him strictly literally, not allowing for human error, and then pointing out his humanly error as soon as he commits it!

What is the point of picking out another's errors? To help him? How?

Matthew 7:3-6

"'Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, "Let me take the speck out of your eye," when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.

"'Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and then turn and tear you to pieces.'"

Stop assuming others are wrong. Instead, give others the benefit of the doubt that they did, in fact, have an intelligent thing to say. If we all have been given a brain, it is likely that we all have an intelligence. Therefore, use it for the good of others, and not to bring about personal gain and glory! How foolish it is to puff oneself up, thinking others admire, when instead they laugh and ridicule.

"The people you help should have a right to say 'We don't need you,' 'We don't like how you help us,' or 'Let us help you.'"

--Karina Vargas

"We can be judging by offering to help because we assume we understand another's needs, but we're not listening."

--Karina Vargas

Stop assuming. Listen. Speak sparingly.

Have a wonderful day.

October Thoughts

Happy October!!!

It is now 5 p.m., and I am sitting in my dorm room while I write this. It has been raining all day, the sky is overcast, and my toes are cold. The wind is blowing outside; I see the large tree out our window dropping acorns like little bombs. My roommate is sleeping, and has turned out all the lights in the room except for my desk light. Ahh, Fall is here!

The leaves have been turning colors, and have been falling to the ground. Riding my bicycle has become (more) dangerous because of wet leaves and random bits of bark and acorns.

What is today? It is the second of October--what a day!! Why is this day special? Because I am alive today. It is special because I woke up and I could breathe today. It is special because I was able to bring joy to someone today. It is special because it has been made special.

Isn't that a thought? That this day is special just because it has been made that way? Why do we go through days one at a time? Because each one is special.

People often ask me my favorite time of year, and expect (I don't blame them in the slightest) that I will answer with "Summer!" But I'm not sure that it is. I like summer because summer is hot and gives me an excuse to spend time out-of-doors. But I also like winter because winter is pure and crisp, and when the snow falls like a thick blanket, the moonlight reflects off it at nighttime. I love winter. What about spring? Spring is wet and new; tiny seeds planted begin to take root and grow into flowers. Trees bud and flower, and everything with breath sings because winter is finally over.

This is Fall. Fall is clear, chilling air rushing down my throat; the smell of burning leaves, the colors of scarves, knit hats, and boots. Fall is miniature acorn bombs, and chattering squirrels.

Each season is special to me for its own individual reason. Liking all the seasons does not make any of them "the same as the others", just as liking the majority of people I meet makes each individual "un-special". I have been given the grace, and the gift, to see the Beauty of life, and to cherish it; the least I can do is tell others.

This day has no political, economical, societal, religious or theological significance (as far as I know). This is the day that the Lord has made; I will rejoice and be glad in it.

Have a wonderfully special Ordinary Day!

Time vs. Schedule

Well, Dear Reader, shall we define "time" first or "schedule"?

Given the general consensus, schedule seems to be a measure of time. Ever since Personal Data Assistants became popular, more people find it necessary to "pencil it in" than they find to actually keep the majority of commitments made.

Have you noticed, Dear Reader, the block-like way that we now (whether forced to or not) organize our time? I have a little day-by-day timesheet of my classes, colored in bright colors per class per day. Where is it hanging? Where I can see it on my tack board. When I'm not around that little piece of paper with my schedule on it, I have trouble remembering which block of time I need to commit to next. Why can't I remember what I have given my word to? Is it so far from my mind to where I go because I'm just ready to be there?

Well, wait, if I'm ready to be, do I treat time differently?

Then what is time?

How can one define time? It has an end, as we are all told. Therefore, it must also have a beginning. But is time solely a measurement, or could it be that the idea of time is as abstract and incomprehensible to the human intellect as it would be if I were to attempt to paint it? Regardless, time is very nearly incapable of definition. We can "picture" time by drawing a clock, or something similar, but time as an existence? How to draw an existence?

I've just started reading Ecclesiastes, beginning with chapter one, title: Everything is meaningless. Great start for early morning devotions. Ecclesiastes also includes the famous "A Time for Everything" chapter (chapter three), which lists everything from emotions to work, with the same phrase.

Remember the previous post where I ranted (I did, and I apologize) about youth and apathy? Where I criticized being "busy" with nonessentials?

What is it about time that our culture defines it so differently from others? Where one culture will insist that time is "do-ing", others will insist that time is "be-ing".

Since returning, I have struggled with Task vs. Relationship. Or Schedule vs. Time. Here, I study grammar, mathematics, and theology. Abroad, I studied culture, language, and people. Both sets are equally important; however, to different cultures these two sets are unequal in value. If I believe in Task, I will set a schedule to make the most of my Time. If I believe in Relationship, I will have lots of time.

People should always be more important than tasks because they are people.

What are tasks? The schedule will always be full if we fill it, but Time can never be full until it has ended.

Looks like this post is long enough.

Youth and Apathy

Dear Readers,

Thank you for enduring my ridiculous lack of commitment. I could regale you with a list of my classes, followed by a full detailing of my extracurriculars and campus jobs, but I'm sure you really wouldn't care to hear my excuses. Thus, we begin.

We had a really interesting chapel speaker on Monday, who, among other things, caused me to wonder about a common recurring theme I've only recently noticed among myself and my peers. Having visited three countries in the last six months, I remember hearing about things like the Nicaraguan revolution against their cruel dictatorships, or in Panama, the Kuna taking back their lands both diplomatically and by force. Or, even more recently, the Costa Rican students involved in city programs.

I'm not saying that here, in the United States, we are all lazy and uncaring; just that we are very apathetic.

Did anyone notice how none of the youth really cared about politics until the presidential elections last year? I heard nothing of state, provincial, or even of city elections all last fall. Granted, I was here in Michigan, but still--shouldn't there have been some sort of talk? After all, the president can only do so much for the states that they can't do for themselves.

It is the motivated who are actually doing something, obviously. What is it, though, that almost all of the people who care are abroad in other countries? Those who stay in this land to serve fellow countrymen are few and far between. The youth of this nation are apathetic.

When I went on my semester abroad, I became so relaxed and laid back. I absolutely loved spending time with people and talking to them face to face. I made sure to listen carefully and show others my true interest in what they had to say. Without cellphone, without car, without instant messaging, I discovered one of the greatest commandments: Love God, Love People. It made sense.

Coming back, I had to get myself motivated to a new type of busy. I came back to my computer with instant everything, my cellphone, and my dad's car. I had to try to adjust to people (for some odd reason) wanting to know everything about me, all the time, as soon as possible. The youth of this nation ARE busy. But we are busy with things. I'll be having a conversation with another student, when all of a sudden there will be a buzzing sound and the student will reach in his pocket, pull out some sort of communication device and--while texting--tell me, "Go ahead, I'm still listening." I find this extremely rude. Why have conversations with fourteen different invisible people and ignore the one person physically standing in front of you? Unfortunately, this happens all the time now. What became of common courtesy? When people talk to me, I try to look them in the eye when possible.

Perhaps it is because of our "conveniences" that we no longer care about current events. In a culture where everything is at our disposal--technology, services, information--we have everything, and nothing at all. How many of us actually take the time to Google all the information in the world? How many of us own every prototype of technology available and still get out to see the sun? How many of us take advantage of all the services available in our state in one fell swoop? Most likely? Few to none of us. The few ridiculously rich who can afford all the technology will probably prefer to learn about the "outside" world from the "comfort" of technology. These few will not have a definite "need" (at least in their own minds) to move beyond the shadow of comfort to experience because one can read others' experiences instead.

What motivates nowadays? Well, given the political/economical state of things, I would say that politics and economy are very motivating. At least, these are the subjects upon which every person has his own opinion. Why is this? Because we hear the most about politics and economy on the evening news. More, that we can find numerous websites, blogs, and columns with the "hottest" topics. Topics are only "hot" based on who says they're hot.

The youth of my country are apathetic. I try not to be, but it's an infectious disease, the type that is mind-numbing and pulpit-accepting. Of course, it depends who is numbing the mind, and who is standing at the pulpit. If it takes too much work to think, we tend to give up that chore--Remember the Power of Choice!!

For now, good night and a warning: Think critically about what you hear, and become motivated!!

TWITTER!!!

Dear Readers, I apologize for not being a more interesting writer! I have been editing news stories for our student publication The Pulse, and have been trying to keep up with homework...

I have two topics I want to discuss, but alas cannot do them justice right now. They are: Youth and Apathy, and Time vs. Schedule.

I will write about these either tonight or tomorrow--sometime this week.

I have a Twitter now! Follow me at http://twitter.com/thoughtisms.

This is definitely the shortest post I have written.

Entering Adulthood

School has officially started up again. I am taking 14 credit hours which (for some unknown reason) translates to only three classes. Actually, it's four, but one is an online class.

One of my misgiving upon returning to the same university after my semester abroad, was whether or not I would be accepted by the same people, or even come to acknowledge the same group or the same thoughts. Part of entering "adulthood" is supposed to be about finding my place in the world.

Right now, I am absolutely, 100%, completely, positively happy to be me. I feel better about myself enough that I don't mind if the same people I knew before don't accept some of my changes. I feel confident enough that I don't need their approval in the same way I did before. Going to another country again when I could understand the physical, social, philosophical and cultural ideas better has really improved my outlook on life. I had jitters earlier about not having the "right" ideas. It's okay now.

I mentioned in an earlier post about how I wasn't going to be dumb enough to post ALL of my personal thoughts online. Neither was I going to pick fights with others about unanswerable topics of religion and politics. I am just going to believe what I believe, as I plan to let others believe what they believe.

I still think that there is an absolute Truth, just as much as I believe there are relevant "truths".

I am still the push-over I was last year except for one difference: I am no longer a welcome mat. If a friend says X to me and expects me to take their opinion solely because they believe they are right, I will listen to their ideas, but I will not allow them to force me into an acceptance of X. In fact, I may just listen, accept their argument, but continue believing Y. I have a right to do that.

I'm finally getting the next piece to the puzzle of my life. I am starting to understand my boundaries and the boundaries of others. I am beginning to take into account something different.

It's weird self-analyzing all the time.

I must get to class!!

Have a wonderful day!

Remember Our Fallen Heroes

Dear Readers,

Today is a special, somber day. Today, eight years ago, many thousands of citizens lost their lives in a terrible act of terrorism. Today, eight years ago, the World's eyes were opened to a different view, as commercial 747s were purposely flown into two of the Western world's most influential buildings. Today is the day of Our Fallen Heroes, the day of 9-11.

You were there, weren't you, on the day the towers fell?

You surely saw, didn't you, the victims who jumped to their death rather than be crushed by the upper floors?

With out a doubt, you too stared at your TV screen in shock, repeating "Oh my God."

When the people let out a great roar at the atrocities committed today, eight years ago, you let your voice be heard as well, didn't you?

As the rubble was cleared, you too were praying for just one more survivor, weren't you?

I was.

Every year, I wonder if people will remember, or if they will go on with their lives as if nothing had happened. Every successive year, I find that I am disappointed. I agree with what I said last year in the post "Reflections".

Crying won't bring back those lost to us. But ignoring such a sacrifice won't allow them to live on either.

Whether we had someone close to us, someone far from us, someone we liked, someone we disliked, someone we respected, someone we feared, someone we had never even lain eyes on, we all saw the planes. We all saw the towers cave in on themselves. We all saw the fires. We all saw the jumpers. We all saw what happened.

If anyone of us holds any life at all dear, let us remember the lives taken from us, and the lives given to prevent more lives being taken. Let us remember the brave firemen, the tenacious policemen, the absolutely admirable citizens like Todd Beamer and others. Let us honor them. Let us Remember Our Fallen Heroes.

It doesn't matter if we agreed with what happened or not. The fact that human lives were lost and their blood spilt because of a difference in politics or religion or thought is a crime unto itself.

God bless the families of those lost.

God bless the families of those taken.

God bless those who are fighting against such crimes.

God bless those who try to protect us.

And God help us not to forget them.

Good night.

Laziness vs. Willingness

Today, it is raining. I don't mind; I like the rain when it's warm. But, I've noticed how the weather often affects my humor. And I say "humor" instead of "mood" or "emotions" because "humor" to me encapsulates my attitude, my state of mind, my emotional flux, and my aspirations.

Therefore, today my humor is a melancholy one. I am of a "happy" emotion; I am of a "thoughtful" state of mind, and today I have to force myself to stay focused.

I tried my best this morning, taking my new 12-speed bicycle around campus before it started pouring. Guess who left her umbrella in her room at home?

On days like today, I like to wake up early (which is weird for me) and take a hot shower while singing love songs at the top of my lungs. Then I like to settle into a corner by a heating unit of some sort, and read to my heart's content. I will often doze off during reading, relaxed by the sound the rain makes against my window. In essence, I wake up early to do...nothing.

I like doing nothing. It's comforting.

See?? See how hard it is for me to focus?? This is the most disjointed blog I've written for a while!! As I sit at my computer, drying off, my mind keeps taking flight on the most random of fantastical journeys. Even watching my goldfish swim around in his jar choking on leftover bits of his breakfast (it's really kind of funny because he swallows them, chokes, and they come out his gills) is cause for me to become lost in thought.

I don't consider days like today "lazy" necessarily, just "relaxed". I am willing to do my work and get things done, but it's really hard. The reason why I'm writing a post at all is because I have done everything I can up to this time. I'm going to chase people down for interviews come 1:30 because I can be sure that they'll all be in their offices again.

And I'm getting better at riding my bike. I'm still afraid that I'm going to run over a freshman, especially since I don't know what the rules are for bicycles on the campus grounds. I remember always jumping out of the way, so I think I'm allowed to cycle on the sidewalks. The streets go nowhere, so they're out.

Regardless, have a wonderfully raining day!

The Power of Choice vs. Happenstance

Happy September, everyone! I hope this post finds you well into the swing of things, what with schools and all.

I like the word "happenstance". It's a good blend of "to happen" and "instance".

Today, I am a victim of "happenstance": I am in bed with a fever of 100ºF because I failed to close my bedroom windows when the temperature dropped to 40º a couple nights ago. Now I'm coughing up my lungs (and vast quantities of phlegm), I have a headache, and my nose is running a marathon...

I have been told before that I am a "morbidly optimistic person". I think that's a good thing. Of course, it depends on how it is said, whether applied gently, or thrown out. Regardless, I tend to see the positive in any given situation I am put in. It isn't always something I have to constantly remind myself of, but often a reflex action to the negativity around me. Sometimes, of course, it is very hard for me to be my positive self. In fact, sometimes, I absolutely resent seeing that same joy in other people.

I really don't like being sick--it's terrible! My mom confines me to a diet of toast and tea (which doesn't ever fill me like real food), and I have to lie still for large amounts of time. I could be doing something in that time!!! Today, I had such a headache and sensitivity to light, however, that I wouldn't have been able to do much. Taking a nap has had the greatest effect on me.

The Power of Choice vs. Happenstance comes down to this: What do I choose when things are beyond my control? I left my windows barely open--just to catch a slight breeze--and I got sick. I can't stop my body from getting a fever, just as I can't physically stop my head from aching or my nose from running. I cannot choose to be better at all (trust me, I've already tried). I just have to wait it out, and continue taking Ibuprofen for my headache. While I wait it out, it does no good to complain in a loud voice my trouble. No one else can help me.

Therefore, I choose to be positive, Dear Reader. I choose to rest and take it easy so that I get well before I have to move back on campus.

And of all things, I really hope my voice comes back because it's weird ringing a bell every time I want something I can't get myself...

Have a wonderful day!!