What to say?

No sé que decir.

I don't know what to say.

Is it better to speak without a voice, or remain tactfully silent?

Sería mejor? Would it be better?

Today I am tired, but able to switch languages without thinking. I, who am now fluent in two different languages can find nothing of importance to say. What good then, is my knowledge? If I cannot affect change, incite a revolution, persuade peers, or even defend my knowledge on the basis of reason within the confines of the two languages I possess, how will I ever find a voice to give a voice to others?

What makes a good leader?

Is it passion? Is it courage? Is it willingness? Is it servitude?

Of these qualities I possess ample supply. How then do I restrict myself from leading? I have things to say, people to lift up and encourage, peers to serve; what makes me hold back?

What to say?

What not to say?

Do I even want to lead?

No. I don't. I want to empower.

What to say?

I have nothing to say, and yet, everything in the world. It is important that I stress this.

I hope that I can use my my talents, my passions, my courage, my willingness, my service for others. To empower. To encourage.

Metamorphosis

Again, I ask you, Dear Reader: when is a "level" of maturity achieved? Is this even possible? To complete a "level" of maturity? As beings, is it not true that we constantly grow? How then is it conceivable to reach any "level" whatever it may be?

"Levels" have thus been devised my mankind to measure itself and the world it perceives. Disagree? How many things can you, Dear Reader, name with its stages? Even the alphabet is leveled; we have the first letter, and the last letter.

If it had been given a conscience, would a caterpillar know it was changing inside its cocoon? With out ever having seen itself before, would it know?

Like a fish has no notion of being wet, so a desert has no notion of being dry. And yet, a tadpole will know both worlds, seeing as it starts in water and ends on land.

Metamorphosis: a change of the form or nature of a thing or person into a completely different one, by natural or supernatural means.

I'm a very passive person--to a point. I would much rather mediate a conflict with peace and honesty than I would argue my views and insist on my accuracy of fact. That said, I will speak up when I know I am right. I try not to do this all the time; no one likes a know-it-all.

I will speak up, and I will (quietly) firmly hold to my position. I believe a conflict is never "won" by the loudest combatant, and so I will give my views, but then allow others to give theirs. I don't like arguing opinions.

There is a Right, and there is a Wrong. This is not my opinion, it is fact. Just as there is light and there is dark, so there is a Right and a Wrong. We may put different things under these headings, but they remain opposites.

If we believe that there is no such thing as Right and Wrong, we fall prey to the worst kind of laziness called un-accountability, which allows us to do everything we want, whenever we want, without regard to any type of moderation. Moderation is key: I love sugar. I love candy. If I were able to eat candy all day long, and as much of it as I wanted, would it make me a better being? No, but I would have some nasty cavities to fill. Too much of a Good thing is always Bad. Therefore, there must be a Right and a Wrong way to enjoy the Good things of life.

If everything is left to opinion, Dear Reader, we allow others to mistreat us, insisting that the actions are a result of "his opinion" or "his upbringing", when in reality, "his" actions are Wrong. The idea that any one "opinion" is not more important than others' allows us all to develop great capacity for apathy. What is the point of arguing if, according to opinions, we're both Right? That said, why should we allow ourselves to be doormats for the sake of a personal view of humanity?

If humanity is inherently good, why don't we always do Good? Why do we know there is a Right and a Wrong? What is it about human law that separates us from animals? We may have instincts, true, but we can also act against our "instincts". What then? Do we blame the society and environment? If we blame the surroundings for causing our choices, we are not helping the problem, but furthering it! If I do not have the Power of Choice, Dear Reader, I am not human, but an animal with nothing more than instincts it cannot disobey. Such a view surely does not encourage civility, but dehumanization.

If all the creatures of Earth have evolved, and the highest form of evolution is Man, and Man's thoughts are not nearly his own but a random collocation of atoms, what makes Man greater than Beasts? What allows Man to act against his "instinct"? And further, what claim has Man over any basis of Fact, Truth, or Authority? If he is merely random, could he not also have developed improperly? What merit has he to say that we all came from one simple life form and not from another? What gives him authority to talk on Right and Wrong? Nothing. His words are meaningless strings of phonetic sounds, intended for intelligence, but ending in stupidity.

I ask again: when is a level of maturity reached? When have we changed? Do we know when we're changing?

Like all beautiful butterflies, we must first change from worms.

Silence

Silence is hard. Sometimes, it's harder than speaking up.

Dear Reader,

Have you ever been a part of some sort of drama, theatre production, where (backstage) another performer has told a whispered joke, and instead of laughing in great guffaws, you must silence yourself to half-concealed sniggers, and choked gasps of air? Silence is hard.

Have you ever, Dear Reader, known that your suggestion was right, but were shut down by popular vote, and then been proven right through sheer circumstance, though you resolved not to push the issue? Silence is hard.

Have you ever walked into a room that stopped, mid-conversation, Dear Reader? Silence is hard.

Have you, Dear Reader, ever known another to be angry at you in silence? Silence is hard.

I try to encourage others to speak because it is a hard thing, to stand up for one's beliefs. However, it is even harder to endure the silence that follows.

How many things can be said in silence? How much more can be said in silence? What a power it is have a focused silence. Power enough to cause others to quake in their boots at a silence, or to impose the most uncomfortable restrictions lest one were to break the silence.

Silence is hard.

Why do we suffer in silence, Dear Reader? Don't we have friends to support us? Aren't we called to rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn? What makes us think we should suffer, then, alone?

No. This is the wrong type of silence. We should not suffer aimlessly and without support to come out of such mourning. It is an injustice.

Are there others around you, Dear Reader, who are silent? Reach out to them. I implore you, as I will also try to do. Regardless of my suffering, should I not offer my listening ear to another who is possibly suffering in silence? Stand up for those who speak with silence.

Good night.

Helping Hand

Why do we even try to help people?? We often assume we can help, but are blinded to our own insufficiencies. Then we think we're right to help, and go on in a superior fashion.

No one asked! Keep your advice to yourself! If someone wants specific help, he will say so. It is not my place to assume I know what's best--Who am I to think I hold the benefit for humanity? What is in my background, my present, my life, my soul that I am so infinitely full of wisdom? What causes my personal perspective to be so desirable to speak? Why must I even open my mouth?

And then, of course, when confronted, "I'm just helping..." Helping whom? Myself?

People may be dumb sometimes, but they are not full imbeciles. If left to oneself, a person will either survive, or die trying. How insulting to speak to him as though he were a child! Or worse, to take him strictly literally, not allowing for human error, and then pointing out his humanly error as soon as he commits it!

What is the point of picking out another's errors? To help him? How?

Matthew 7:3-6

"'Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, "Let me take the speck out of your eye," when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.

"'Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and then turn and tear you to pieces.'"

Stop assuming others are wrong. Instead, give others the benefit of the doubt that they did, in fact, have an intelligent thing to say. If we all have been given a brain, it is likely that we all have an intelligence. Therefore, use it for the good of others, and not to bring about personal gain and glory! How foolish it is to puff oneself up, thinking others admire, when instead they laugh and ridicule.

"The people you help should have a right to say 'We don't need you,' 'We don't like how you help us,' or 'Let us help you.'"

--Karina Vargas

"We can be judging by offering to help because we assume we understand another's needs, but we're not listening."

--Karina Vargas

Stop assuming. Listen. Speak sparingly.

Have a wonderful day.

October Thoughts

Happy October!!!

It is now 5 p.m., and I am sitting in my dorm room while I write this. It has been raining all day, the sky is overcast, and my toes are cold. The wind is blowing outside; I see the large tree out our window dropping acorns like little bombs. My roommate is sleeping, and has turned out all the lights in the room except for my desk light. Ahh, Fall is here!

The leaves have been turning colors, and have been falling to the ground. Riding my bicycle has become (more) dangerous because of wet leaves and random bits of bark and acorns.

What is today? It is the second of October--what a day!! Why is this day special? Because I am alive today. It is special because I woke up and I could breathe today. It is special because I was able to bring joy to someone today. It is special because it has been made special.

Isn't that a thought? That this day is special just because it has been made that way? Why do we go through days one at a time? Because each one is special.

People often ask me my favorite time of year, and expect (I don't blame them in the slightest) that I will answer with "Summer!" But I'm not sure that it is. I like summer because summer is hot and gives me an excuse to spend time out-of-doors. But I also like winter because winter is pure and crisp, and when the snow falls like a thick blanket, the moonlight reflects off it at nighttime. I love winter. What about spring? Spring is wet and new; tiny seeds planted begin to take root and grow into flowers. Trees bud and flower, and everything with breath sings because winter is finally over.

This is Fall. Fall is clear, chilling air rushing down my throat; the smell of burning leaves, the colors of scarves, knit hats, and boots. Fall is miniature acorn bombs, and chattering squirrels.

Each season is special to me for its own individual reason. Liking all the seasons does not make any of them "the same as the others", just as liking the majority of people I meet makes each individual "un-special". I have been given the grace, and the gift, to see the Beauty of life, and to cherish it; the least I can do is tell others.

This day has no political, economical, societal, religious or theological significance (as far as I know). This is the day that the Lord has made; I will rejoice and be glad in it.

Have a wonderfully special Ordinary Day!

Time vs. Schedule

Well, Dear Reader, shall we define "time" first or "schedule"?

Given the general consensus, schedule seems to be a measure of time. Ever since Personal Data Assistants became popular, more people find it necessary to "pencil it in" than they find to actually keep the majority of commitments made.

Have you noticed, Dear Reader, the block-like way that we now (whether forced to or not) organize our time? I have a little day-by-day timesheet of my classes, colored in bright colors per class per day. Where is it hanging? Where I can see it on my tack board. When I'm not around that little piece of paper with my schedule on it, I have trouble remembering which block of time I need to commit to next. Why can't I remember what I have given my word to? Is it so far from my mind to where I go because I'm just ready to be there?

Well, wait, if I'm ready to be, do I treat time differently?

Then what is time?

How can one define time? It has an end, as we are all told. Therefore, it must also have a beginning. But is time solely a measurement, or could it be that the idea of time is as abstract and incomprehensible to the human intellect as it would be if I were to attempt to paint it? Regardless, time is very nearly incapable of definition. We can "picture" time by drawing a clock, or something similar, but time as an existence? How to draw an existence?

I've just started reading Ecclesiastes, beginning with chapter one, title: Everything is meaningless. Great start for early morning devotions. Ecclesiastes also includes the famous "A Time for Everything" chapter (chapter three), which lists everything from emotions to work, with the same phrase.

Remember the previous post where I ranted (I did, and I apologize) about youth and apathy? Where I criticized being "busy" with nonessentials?

What is it about time that our culture defines it so differently from others? Where one culture will insist that time is "do-ing", others will insist that time is "be-ing".

Since returning, I have struggled with Task vs. Relationship. Or Schedule vs. Time. Here, I study grammar, mathematics, and theology. Abroad, I studied culture, language, and people. Both sets are equally important; however, to different cultures these two sets are unequal in value. If I believe in Task, I will set a schedule to make the most of my Time. If I believe in Relationship, I will have lots of time.

People should always be more important than tasks because they are people.

What are tasks? The schedule will always be full if we fill it, but Time can never be full until it has ended.

Looks like this post is long enough.