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Dear Family and Friends,
I don't know what to say. I have lived with people, I have talked to people, I have eaten their food, slept in their beds, I have tried to see their world through their eyes.
What should I say? There is nothing that can express both the fulfilling happiness of being in Latin America, and the dizzying chasm of emptiness at the thought of leaving.
It's like I found my other half, here, where I least expected it to be. I am okay with myself now--more complete, more open, more accepting. I'll be honest, I've changed. I don't know what the change is, but I know it's there.
Everyone keeps asking me if I'm excited to go home. Home.
Yes, I am.
I also wish dearly that I could stay for just a little longer.
They say "home is where the heart is". I am torn. Where is my heart now? It is with the family and friends I will see again, but it is also with the "family" and friends that I may not see again.
I've been given much to think about.
I don't know how to sort it out.
I'm glad I have questions. I would rather not know what to do all the time. Sometimes it frustrates me that I know myself so well.
Home.
It's hard to meet people and then leave them.
Home.
Yes, I am happy.
Yes, I am sad.
Thank you. Thank you everyone who has supported me from the start. Thank you new friends, thank you old friends. Thank you family. Thank you for allowing me a glimpse of the world through your eyes. What a privilege I've been given.
I hate goodbyes.
Home.
We're flying to Miami tomorrow. This is my last night in Central America.
I don't know what to think.
I don't know what to say.
If only I could have both.
I'm ready. Again.
Thank you. Good bye.
Sincerely,
Elise Arvidson
Monday, April 27, 2009
Monday, April 20, 2009
Saying Goodbye
I was able to meet up with some of our good friends from Grecia on Friday and Saturday. We went to the Jazz Café (really awesome!) and then visited a museum on Saturday.
It was so hard to say goodbye and walk away. If I could have, I would have enrolled for a year at the University of Costa Rica; this "meet-people-and-leave-them" business is taking its toll, especially with people that I could definitely consider being good friends with (P.S. When you read this, you'll know who you are!). I returned to the house in San José, and after having some soup, I claimed I was tired, went to bed around 5:30 p.m. and cried. I haven't cried like that since I came to this country, but I felt my heart breaking. Doña Isabel came into my room and told me that some friends from the youth group here in San José wanted to come and pray for me. I told her it was alright. I cried during that session too.
What is Love? The force single-handedly responsible for such close ties among strangers; for such connection. I love communication. I study communication. In my short time, I declare it is Love that causes and aids any sort of communication in this regard to studies. Love of culture; Love of difference; Love of people. Truth be told, I'm attached. I would love to live in Costa Rica. My host brother Esteban keeps telling me not to leave, because he'll miss how I laugh. Everyone else in my family tells me the house will be depressingly quiet because I won't be around to liven it up. Talk about guilt trips!
I tried packing today. Also one of the most depressing things I've done here besides cry. I actually searched the premises to find my possessions--I didn't realize I spread so much. I'm running out of space, and I'm considering leaving the family with something of mine, except that I'm such a light packer, everything I own (more or less) is something I need and use, and anything else isn't enough of me that I could leave it for sentimental value. Bother practicality!
We leave in the morning.
Please, pray not only for me and the group as we travel to Panama, but for the friends and families we're leaving behind us to do so. I won't be writing for the next week, so I wish everyone a happy week, and I thank you, Dear Readers, for reading.
Looks like this post is long enough.
It was so hard to say goodbye and walk away. If I could have, I would have enrolled for a year at the University of Costa Rica; this "meet-people-and-leave-them" business is taking its toll, especially with people that I could definitely consider being good friends with (P.S. When you read this, you'll know who you are!). I returned to the house in San José, and after having some soup, I claimed I was tired, went to bed around 5:30 p.m. and cried. I haven't cried like that since I came to this country, but I felt my heart breaking. Doña Isabel came into my room and told me that some friends from the youth group here in San José wanted to come and pray for me. I told her it was alright. I cried during that session too.
What is Love? The force single-handedly responsible for such close ties among strangers; for such connection. I love communication. I study communication. In my short time, I declare it is Love that causes and aids any sort of communication in this regard to studies. Love of culture; Love of difference; Love of people. Truth be told, I'm attached. I would love to live in Costa Rica. My host brother Esteban keeps telling me not to leave, because he'll miss how I laugh. Everyone else in my family tells me the house will be depressingly quiet because I won't be around to liven it up. Talk about guilt trips!
I tried packing today. Also one of the most depressing things I've done here besides cry. I actually searched the premises to find my possessions--I didn't realize I spread so much. I'm running out of space, and I'm considering leaving the family with something of mine, except that I'm such a light packer, everything I own (more or less) is something I need and use, and anything else isn't enough of me that I could leave it for sentimental value. Bother practicality!
We leave in the morning.
Please, pray not only for me and the group as we travel to Panama, but for the friends and families we're leaving behind us to do so. I won't be writing for the next week, so I wish everyone a happy week, and I thank you, Dear Readers, for reading.
Looks like this post is long enough.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Grecia, Costa Rica: Part III
Okay, first off, so sorry that this is late in coming. Last week, I came to the internet café and discovered my email inbox was full with 36-some messages, at least 10 of which were sent by the Postmaster warning me that my inbox was full. Oh life.
Second, I just discovered this, but Blogger has a email inbox for me too: elise.arvidson.thought-isms@blogger.com . Cool. Please, for the remainder of the trip, if there are any questions, thoughts, comments or anything even remotely resembling feedback to my blog, please use the above address so that my school inbox isn't clogged all the time...not that I've gotten much feedback...
Third, I made it back from Grecia, and am in San José (also called San Ho by some in our group), and am going to be near a computer UNTIL MONDAY!!! Just so's you know.
Now, table of contents:
· Northamerican--Latinamerican relations and their strains
· 5 things I have learned about me
· 5 things I have learned about others
We're good.
RELATIONS:
One thing to remember in another country is that actions speak louder than words, whether the message sent was intended or not. Some of the "strain" of Northamerican and Latinamerican relations stems from both a disregard of the above, and limited mindset of the other culture/person/etc. Hispanic culture is very indirect, as I've mentioned previously. The meanings, the direction and the commands are all understood, but not necessarily expressed. Because Northamerican culture is rather more direct, often, a foreigner can seem rude, unsympathetic, and completely oblivious to social codes and implications. This, obviously, causes much stress on both ends unless each side is willing to be flexible and forgive. As a foreigner in this country, it would be my mortal embarrassment to offend my host family in any way, as they've offered me a home, food, and anything else I need. Therefore, although I have a direct manner in asking for something I would like (for example: going with some friends to a concert and spending the night over there since it will be late) I need to ask it as though it all depended on my host parents. I need to ask their permission even though I am of age, and everyone with me is a responsable adult like me. The way I ask is indirect. If I were to say "I am going with so-and-so and so-and-so to this-and-such a concert on Friday, and I will be spending the night," my host parents will likely feel as though I am taking advantage of their good grace to do whatever I please. They may also feel that by expressing this, I am hinting that I prefer the company of my friends I've known for a little while over the company of the family that is housing me. Does this make sense? A much pleasanter way to say the same thing is "Some of my friends and I wanted to go to this concert, but it will be too late to come home. We might be able to spend the night there, but what would you suggest?" This opens it up for the family heads to give an opinion and not feel as though I am taking advantage of them. Also, I am letting them know that I would like to be with friends, but respect the decision of their family. "Strain" is only the result of not trying to appease the other but stubbornly sticking to one's own ways.
Which leads me to continue...
5 THINGS I HAVE LEARNED ABOUT ME:
1. Patience is both my greatest strength and my biggest fault
2. I am a contextual learner. If I come across a word I don't understand, I listen to the context to get the bigger picture, and define words by their connotations in which I hear them used. This is why I've been having a mental block with grammar lessons, because each word is crucial.
3. I am very forgetful of little things, even when I try so hard to remember, but able to memorize passages of readings solely because I found them interesting.
4. I become angry when communicational flow stops, i.e. when conversation turns into monologue, or when discussion becomes argument.
5. I can look at the mammals/insects/reptiles, I can smell the mammals/insects/reptiles, I can get close to the mammals/insects/reptiles, but if they jump on me in any way, I cannot stand it.
5 THINGS I HAVE LEARNED ABOUT OTHERS:
1. Laughter is indeed the best medicine
2. Love is eating yucca casserole (even though you despise it) solely because your host mom made it just for you when you came home. Profound love is having two pieces.
3. Natives will often "use" a foreigner for "language practice", even though they know less of the foreigner's language than the foreigner knows of theirs.
4. Host families are like flowers: sunny smiles, showers of compliments, and fertil trust make the relationship grow.
5. Everyone has a limited point of view, because everyone has had a limited life. Therefore, foreigners will often be judged based on this view. Flexibility in all things is key.
BONUS
6. As a foreigner, natives either assume that the foreigner knows absolutely nothing about the native's culture, or that the foreigner is well versed in the lives, events and other random details of everyone in the foreigner's home country. We keep having to explain that the United States is much bigger than Costa Rica, and that it is impossible to know the lives of everyone else in the States...
Well, this post's long enough. I will try to upload my pictures tomorrow!
Have a wonderful evening!
Second, I just discovered this, but Blogger has a email inbox for me too: elise.arvidson.thought-isms@blogger.com . Cool. Please, for the remainder of the trip, if there are any questions, thoughts, comments or anything even remotely resembling feedback to my blog, please use the above address so that my school inbox isn't clogged all the time...not that I've gotten much feedback...
Third, I made it back from Grecia, and am in San José (also called San Ho by some in our group), and am going to be near a computer UNTIL MONDAY!!! Just so's you know.
Now, table of contents:
· Northamerican--Latinamerican relations and their strains
· 5 things I have learned about me
· 5 things I have learned about others
We're good.
RELATIONS:
One thing to remember in another country is that actions speak louder than words, whether the message sent was intended or not. Some of the "strain" of Northamerican and Latinamerican relations stems from both a disregard of the above, and limited mindset of the other culture/person/etc. Hispanic culture is very indirect, as I've mentioned previously. The meanings, the direction and the commands are all understood, but not necessarily expressed. Because Northamerican culture is rather more direct, often, a foreigner can seem rude, unsympathetic, and completely oblivious to social codes and implications. This, obviously, causes much stress on both ends unless each side is willing to be flexible and forgive. As a foreigner in this country, it would be my mortal embarrassment to offend my host family in any way, as they've offered me a home, food, and anything else I need. Therefore, although I have a direct manner in asking for something I would like (for example: going with some friends to a concert and spending the night over there since it will be late) I need to ask it as though it all depended on my host parents. I need to ask their permission even though I am of age, and everyone with me is a responsable adult like me. The way I ask is indirect. If I were to say "I am going with so-and-so and so-and-so to this-and-such a concert on Friday, and I will be spending the night," my host parents will likely feel as though I am taking advantage of their good grace to do whatever I please. They may also feel that by expressing this, I am hinting that I prefer the company of my friends I've known for a little while over the company of the family that is housing me. Does this make sense? A much pleasanter way to say the same thing is "Some of my friends and I wanted to go to this concert, but it will be too late to come home. We might be able to spend the night there, but what would you suggest?" This opens it up for the family heads to give an opinion and not feel as though I am taking advantage of them. Also, I am letting them know that I would like to be with friends, but respect the decision of their family. "Strain" is only the result of not trying to appease the other but stubbornly sticking to one's own ways.
Which leads me to continue...
5 THINGS I HAVE LEARNED ABOUT ME:
1. Patience is both my greatest strength and my biggest fault
2. I am a contextual learner. If I come across a word I don't understand, I listen to the context to get the bigger picture, and define words by their connotations in which I hear them used. This is why I've been having a mental block with grammar lessons, because each word is crucial.
3. I am very forgetful of little things, even when I try so hard to remember, but able to memorize passages of readings solely because I found them interesting.
4. I become angry when communicational flow stops, i.e. when conversation turns into monologue, or when discussion becomes argument.
5. I can look at the mammals/insects/reptiles, I can smell the mammals/insects/reptiles, I can get close to the mammals/insects/reptiles, but if they jump on me in any way, I cannot stand it.
5 THINGS I HAVE LEARNED ABOUT OTHERS:
1. Laughter is indeed the best medicine
2. Love is eating yucca casserole (even though you despise it) solely because your host mom made it just for you when you came home. Profound love is having two pieces.
3. Natives will often "use" a foreigner for "language practice", even though they know less of the foreigner's language than the foreigner knows of theirs.
4. Host families are like flowers: sunny smiles, showers of compliments, and fertil trust make the relationship grow.
5. Everyone has a limited point of view, because everyone has had a limited life. Therefore, foreigners will often be judged based on this view. Flexibility in all things is key.
BONUS
6. As a foreigner, natives either assume that the foreigner knows absolutely nothing about the native's culture, or that the foreigner is well versed in the lives, events and other random details of everyone in the foreigner's home country. We keep having to explain that the United States is much bigger than Costa Rica, and that it is impossible to know the lives of everyone else in the States...
Well, this post's long enough. I will try to upload my pictures tomorrow!
Have a wonderful evening!
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Grecia, Costa Rica: Part II
Hello again! I hope this finds everyone well and happy!
I have more -itos in the interest of time:
QUESTIONS:
It seems that Spanish-speakers must learn different nonverbal cues than English-speakers. One of my main ires is that I'm constantly unsure when I've been asked a question. I am actually listening to the sound of the speakers voice, and waiting for it to go up at the end to signal a question. No such thing. Or at least, not all the time. And when I ask if the speaker was directing their speech at me, the speaker will take the question as though I either didn't pay attention, or I did not understand a word. They will often repeat the "question" exactly how they did before, without the tell-tale nonverbal cue. Again, I ask if this statement they've made is a question. And yet again, they will try to explain it to me. The joke is this, I understand perfectly the words they have chosen to express themselves. What I don't get is what they are expecting as a result of these words!! Oh well.
FINISHED SENTENCES:
Also, along those lines, it appears that people who live within the same regional group and see each other for most of their lives don't finish certain sentences. Not all, but many. And yet, everyone born in the same region understands perfectly these partial thoughts. It helps to keep in mind that Spanish is a high-context language, where few words are needed to effectively get a point across. However, because I am a contextual learner, I need the context to understand.
PREPARED ANSWERS:
I find it easier to speak in Spanish about something with which I am very familiar versus improvisational speaking. This is very natural for learned speakers.
SAYINGS:
One of the sayings most used that I've heard in Grecia is "¡Que espanto!" which literally means, "What a scare!" It is used like the expression, "Oh for Pete's sake!"
GRAMMAR:
Also in Grecia, I've noticed that most of the people use the verb acordar as a synonym for the verb recordar. This is unusual to me because I'm used to acordar having a connotation of putting one's mind on something, and recordar having the connotation of only remembering.
OVENS:
The kitchen's hidden cookie jar (when not in use).
GAS STATIONS:
There are service gas stations here, meaning, there is no such concept as "self-serve".
SUGARCANE:
Sugarcane here grows in fields like corn grows in Indiana. And the smell of the molasses when the cane is burned in the graneries is overpowering--it smells good in small amounts, but not all at once.
DOORKNOBS:
The only doorknobs I've seen in this country are generally on the front door. All other doors have locks that slide.
I'm out of time!! Next time I'll expound on Northamerican/Latinamerican relationships here in Grecia. We have some stories to tell...
Have a wonderful day!!
I have more -itos in the interest of time:
QUESTIONS:
It seems that Spanish-speakers must learn different nonverbal cues than English-speakers. One of my main ires is that I'm constantly unsure when I've been asked a question. I am actually listening to the sound of the speakers voice, and waiting for it to go up at the end to signal a question. No such thing. Or at least, not all the time. And when I ask if the speaker was directing their speech at me, the speaker will take the question as though I either didn't pay attention, or I did not understand a word. They will often repeat the "question" exactly how they did before, without the tell-tale nonverbal cue. Again, I ask if this statement they've made is a question. And yet again, they will try to explain it to me. The joke is this, I understand perfectly the words they have chosen to express themselves. What I don't get is what they are expecting as a result of these words!! Oh well.
FINISHED SENTENCES:
Also, along those lines, it appears that people who live within the same regional group and see each other for most of their lives don't finish certain sentences. Not all, but many. And yet, everyone born in the same region understands perfectly these partial thoughts. It helps to keep in mind that Spanish is a high-context language, where few words are needed to effectively get a point across. However, because I am a contextual learner, I need the context to understand.
PREPARED ANSWERS:
I find it easier to speak in Spanish about something with which I am very familiar versus improvisational speaking. This is very natural for learned speakers.
SAYINGS:
One of the sayings most used that I've heard in Grecia is "¡Que espanto!" which literally means, "What a scare!" It is used like the expression, "Oh for Pete's sake!"
GRAMMAR:
Also in Grecia, I've noticed that most of the people use the verb acordar as a synonym for the verb recordar. This is unusual to me because I'm used to acordar having a connotation of putting one's mind on something, and recordar having the connotation of only remembering.
OVENS:
The kitchen's hidden cookie jar (when not in use).
GAS STATIONS:
There are service gas stations here, meaning, there is no such concept as "self-serve".
SUGARCANE:
Sugarcane here grows in fields like corn grows in Indiana. And the smell of the molasses when the cane is burned in the graneries is overpowering--it smells good in small amounts, but not all at once.
DOORKNOBS:
The only doorknobs I've seen in this country are generally on the front door. All other doors have locks that slide.
I'm out of time!! Next time I'll expound on Northamerican/Latinamerican relationships here in Grecia. We have some stories to tell...
Have a wonderful day!!
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