Luck, and the lack thereof

Hello again, Dear Readers!

Have you ever found you are luckiest at your most unlucky? When everything goes wrong, but--for whatever reason--turns in your best favor at the culmination of unluckiness?

The strangest thing about "finding the silver lining" as they say, is not so much the grey-ness of the clouds, the looming forbearance, or even the rain puddles; it's the "finding" that's so strange. Consider: If the silver lining is invisible/ignored by all except those who seek it, so then are good details lost in a sea of unlucky sequence by all except those who choose to find it.

It is not unknown that I think happiness a choice--how else does one keep faith and fortitude when there is none to be had? He must choose to have faith, and choose to stay strong!--and therefore is completely independent of luck, or the lack thereof.

If I have an "off" day, then I am unlucky.

If I am unlucky, then my best efforts will be in vain.

If my best efforts are in vain, then I have cause to be unhappy.

If I have cause to be unhappy, I have no reason for "silver lining".

Notice I said "cause" not "right" to be unhappy. However:

If I look for silver lining, then I have hope.

If I have hope, my failures won't seem so bad.

If my failures don't seem so bad, I have cause to be happy.

Here is a list of my Silver Linings for the day:

1) Class schedule a mess: at least I'm still in school!

2) I straightened my hair today, so of course, it rained

3) I dressed up today, it still rained

4) I wore my glasses today. It rained.

5) I rode my bike. Rain.

6) I came back to my room, and despite the rain, I had a good laugh with my roommates about the Michigan weather before I wrote this post.

The funny thing is, it's not so bad that I had to practically change my outfit because I was soaked through--in fact, it made me laugh. Here I was, wearing my glasses, on my bicycle, with newly straightened hair and all dressed up, in the middle of a torrential downpour... What a sight I must have been! When I finally caught a mirror, the reflection reminded me of a wet cat. Cats don't like wet.

Why should I worry about the weather? Why should I stress about things beyond my control? I shouldn't. That's the plain and simple of it. I shouldn't.

Have a stress-free Thursday, Dear Reader!

STRESS!!

Hello again, Dear Reader. I hope you are doing well.

As for myself, I am caught between everyone else's schedules, and in danger of severe breaking, in part due to bending over backwards. I'm not the best planner. That's just the simple truth of it. I can plan my hour; I can plan my day; I can plan my month, but I just cannot plan several months or a year in advance. The organizational complexities of such an endeavor elude me. And yet, I try very hard to plan things in advance, knowing that no matter the backups, my plans will blow up in my face.

Sigh.

I want so much for this year to go well. I won't even ask for smoothly, or quickly. I just want it to go well. I want to get my credits in and graduate from college. I want to set up a system for our student publication that can be executed after my graduation, and most of all, I want to get married. I want to be able to have a wedding on a budget, but still feel like I wasn't missing out. It's only a day, after all, but the effects will last for my lifetime.

I want to spend time with people I may never see again.

I want to help a friend who needs it.

I want to learn from a stranger what he thinks about the world.

I want to write a book.

I want to write more poetry.

And here I am, stuck between schedules, and government grants, and too few credits, and student bills.

How hard it is to have such big dreams, and so little movement. To know and see clearly what I want, only to turn down the path of what I must do.

I always survive. I'm tired of surviving; I want to live.

Dear Reader, are you shackled too? Perhaps if you can make it, we both can make it. It is better to learn our weaknesses and deal with them, than turning away and hiding. Carpe diem!

May you overcome,

Have a productive Wednesday.

A new Beginning

Well, I've had a summer...

I'm all excited for the Pulse to start up again!

Dear Reader,

I am making a Beginning Anew promise: I want to blog more. If I consider myself a writer, shouldn't I write? I do, actually, just in pen and paper...

My world is so vivid and subjective. It moves, it grows, it contracts. How can a mind comprehend all there is in a single perspective? How much less can a mind comprehend all there is in several perspectives?

I feel small, but not insignificant. If I am made for a purpose, then I must accomplish that purpose sometime in my life. If I attempt this endeavor wholeheartedly, then I will accomplish everything I was meant to. If I attempt this endeavor without fervor, then I will only accomplish a portion of what I was meant to. Therefore, I was made for a purpose, and I must attempt that purpose wholeheartedly.

With such an ocean of expectation, it is easy to feel lost, isn't it, Dear Reader?

Remember my post on choice? I have as much a choice to be successful and to thus, fulfill my purpose. If I had no purpose, why would I exist? Everything has a purpose--even paintings are made to supply income or just as a hobby. The best course of action is to make a flexible plan, and try to follow it. By "flexible", think "willow tree" vs. "oak tree".

I intend to choose. I intend to give. I intend to discover, and I intend to live.

Have a happy Sunday!

Running hard

Dear friends,

I am in the process of completing my résumé. For the fifth time, if I have the score correct. Unfortunately, I have been unsuccessful in my endeavors to find a paying job; college students are greater in supply than in demand. No matter, I will press on.

The biggest down-turn in this unemployment is that I have begun to take it rather personally. I know I shouldn't; I have a mom already, you know. But nonetheless, I have begun to feel rather... superfluous. Frustrating.

Why do I short-change myself? Is this an attempt at humility?

Have you noticed, Dear Reader, that there is a definable difference between humility and low self-esteem? I'll explain as best I can:

Humble people will be the first to thank you, and the last to say that they simply 'cannot'. They understand the limits of their abilities and skills, and the believe they are not any less important than the fellow beside them, nor any more important. Humble people are what some call "down-to-earth".

In contrast, people with low self-esteem are among the first to thank you, and the first to say that they simply "cannot". While they recognize their limits, people with low self-esteem will allow themselves to be compared to peers. These people make limits for themselves; they don't bridge them very often. A person with low self-esteem will make herself the butt of jokes, aimed at making light of her short-comings. While cleverly disguised as humor, it is a painful reminder of her inadequacy.

Hmm. I've given a more detailed description for a person with low self-esteem, I'm afraid. But wait, humble people seldom talk about themselves and are universally known for being "simple" to explain.

Well, regardless, Dear Reader, I have been working to keep my fears and self-doubt at bay. Because I know what a difference a small bit of encouragement can make. Please remember your friends and acquaintances, and remember to encourage them too. Hard times have always been made easier when two or more share the load.

Until next time,

Have a wonderful Monday.

Around the Bend

What can I say, my friends?

It has been so long since our last conversation. Why is it that whenever I draw close to people, I find their goodness for so short a time before we are rent apart again?

The missions trip to Louisiana was an experience, to say the least. I invested of my time in the other group members and in the members of the community we were serving. What a release, to serve others so selflessly.

I've heard tell of the 5 Love languages. It's an interesting concept, though I must say, after reading some of the material, I certainly would not have guessed that I express love in acts of kindness. It makes sense now I stop to think on it, but two weeks ago? I'm not sure.

Odd (isn't it?), that cleaning a church bathroom, or setting up chairs, or sorting donated clothes could be considered acts of love. Odd that sitting with young girls at a table for dinner and just having a conversation is an act of love. Or trying a little bit of every home-cooked dish, thinking "Vegetarianism be darned!"

I'm back at the Arbor now and am especially tuned in to how I perceive--and give--love. It's nearly the end of the year. Have I made lasting relationships? Have I treated people as though they are individual beings and not just bodies? If I am able to see to the depths of others, what good is it to waste on frivolous relationships? On the other hand, how can I commit to so large a crowd?

I have striven for love this year, especially after returning from Costa Rica. Have I showed others that love I've discovered? I think I have. Actually, I certainly think I've tried. Perhaps this is the depth of my heart: in having one conversation, I will love a friend.

We are all about to separate. Why are we allowed so few moments in which we can truly connect?

What can I say, my friends? I have spent the last few weeks catching up on homework and loving people. Shall I be faulted in that?

I shall try to write soon. Have a wonderful evening.

The Eye of the Storm

Hello, Dear Reader(s). I apologize for my silence; you wouldn't believe the enormous list of accomplishments I have effected within the last month and a half. Also, as I believe I've mentioned, I try not to bore you with redundant recaps of my day ("in a nutshell," as they say) or with general topics of life that have little or no bearing on my current state of thought. However, here I am, trying to get through a mammoth amount of homework, and of course, I couldn't concentrate. So, let's see:

Happy New Year's Eve!! I hope it was wonderful!

Happy New Year's Day!! I hope it was anticipated...

Happy Palindrome Day (Jan. 2, 2010)!!

Happy Math Addition Date (9 Jan. 10)!

Happy 1 year Anniversary of Costa Rica (13 Jan. 10)!

Happy February (1 February)!

Happy Groundhog Day!!

Happy Half-Birthday (2 Feb)!

Happy Math Addition Date (8 Feb. 10)!!

Happy Valentine's/Friendship Day!

There. I'm glad I got that off my chest!

I seem to be in the eye of the storm. I've had a whirlwind of activities before this week (the greatest of which caused it nearly impossible to complete my homework), and I'm just waiting for my life to be drowningly busy again. Sometimes, Dear Reader, I just can't figure myself out! Do I want peace and quiet? Do I want lots of free time? Do I want to be involved? Do I want to spend the majority of my time with others? Which is it?? I cannot attempt all these options at once...

Oh the Power of Choice! Blessed as I am with it, I am also able to abuse it to the fullest. It is devestatingly hard for me to say 'No' to a group or person. If I am outright asked to be a part of a group, I try to make up an excuse of how I really am too busy right now to join. I've been able to ward the vast majority off, but some groups are so persistent! It's such a blessing to have this free time now, but just as much a burden--there are tasks which require completion, and here I am, unable to concentrate and instead writing a blog. Motivation is not the obstacle; the obstacle is fatigue. I have been running on adrenaline of the next big event in my life, jumping from one lilypad of happenings to another. I have had very little respite since the beginning of January, and am still expected to make lightening fast turnarounds.

I should probably just take a nap. Clearly, I will be unable to function to my fullest capacity until I do so. However, I have such a laundry list of To Do items, I wonder that I'll get a nap at all today.

Sigh. The Eye of the Storm is an interesting place to be. You can see the flurry that you've come through, and you can see the flurry that's ahead. I guess all I can do is weather the storm...